dear god in heaven.
i'm a freakin failure. why do i suck. god plz give me strength. god, plz give me wisdom and courage.
i'm like ...back from the dead. lol. i'm feeling....hm....a mix of super happy and a manic depression. really, i thihnk i'm somewhere in the grey. i want to go out. but everyone is so damn busy with their STUPID exams. shit~! dont' you understand?! i'm not going to be here?! fine.....wtevr dude. you do what you want i'll just hibernate at home for the next week or so and rot. it's a cruel summer.
saddness is breath taking, yet i think it's beautiful.(nuff said....you can elaberate this yourself)
high school is full of...you get love you don't want and the love you want you ain't gettin. in my case...i'm pretty hopeless. lvoe sucks when you've got no one to love you back well...at least there's nothing to lose. haha. but what's the point of life when you've got nothing to look forward to. i mean...yea...it used to be like that...looking forward to the person to like you back, but everytime, everytime i try, all fails in the end. nothing was good enough to keep them. it's like trying to keep a candle lit in a jar where there is only enough air for the fire to light for so long. i am that candle and i'm about to give up and let go everything i used to believe in so that i can move on to being someone else. i never thought i'd be saying GROW UP, LET GO AND MOVE ON. i used to promose myself not to lose myself b/c i know i like to be the person i am. it's who i am and that's how i express myself. there you go...i'm such a waste. you did this.
hey! i remember this site! holy shucks.....well....i'll just tell you what's been goin on in like 90 seconds. it's in the middle of the school year now and i still don't know where i'm goin next year. ever since i've dropped math 12, i felt like such a faillure b/c i have never in my whole life quit anything before.....wait..not htis is the third time. but still...ever since that, i've lost my momentom of motavation of working hard and stuff. now, i'm getting marks so low, i can compare it to my marks from grade 5 and 6. school is killing me. i don't mean to hate school but school hates me. i'ts over rated. i've been hearing from a lot of people sayign that i've changed....some say in a bad way...some say in a good way. and when they mean good, they mean mature. when they say mature, i'm not fun no more....(?!) i'm starting to lose it. the only thing that i'm not losing is my music....my music is getting better. recently i've found a wonderful guy who could jam with me. we play jack johnson and write songs together. we've got like 5 or 6 gigs this year. hm......i'm wondering when we'll be done our demo tape. =.....+ since this summer, i've been rejected once, been used twice and broke up with someone once. i feel like crap. love really sucks. if you don't becareful the people you love, you will get so hurt, you'll be scared and you'll never be the same again. the more you fall for people, the more you lose yourself. so don't think it's cool to flirt all you want and think that you can get anyone anytime and all that you want. it is so not cool. i'm so lost and i don't know who i am anymore. i used to be so sure. but i guess.....now that i've lost myself....it's going to take a while toget back on my feet. THIS is my 90 second update....hey.....it's not my fault you're such a pokey reader! haha. take care(b/c the world is not what it seems)
i woke up this morning at 10 something. late....agian. i knew i was going to be late becasue i was having the hardest time waking up every morning ever since last week. i got ready to leave the house. i tried to get out of the house throught the front door, but the door was glued shut or sumthin. so i try going out through the back door. it was locked and i don't have the dumb key to dat dumb door. so i went into my back yard and to get out from the door there. but when i tried to open the door, the whole thing fell apart. the only way to keep it up was to keep it shut up and locked. obviously, i can't go out from there. so i had to climb over the high fence to get out of the house. my neighbors asked, "what are you doing?" and then i said, " i'm goin to school yo!" my mornings just get tougher and tougher every morning.
ARGHHAWRAAAHHGAAA! don't you hate it when you wish and wish that something might happen, and it turns you down? that's me....24/7 this whole week and i'm sure that it ain't gonna change in my farther weeks. sinkin effer......i gotta stop whinning. newsflash! johnny and i are making songs. exciting. this is my fav. line. "highway number one. devils on the run." give ya the lyrics when we're done. up date soon chicos.
i made some soul searching and found somethings. some to clearify who i am and somethings about who YOU are. i know it's going to crash and burn and maybe lead to death in the end. it's good while it lasts. rock hard, live life, and love back.
i know in your mind that my name still exists. i can see by the looks of your face that you were happy to see me. what is it that made you happy? the fact that you're not lonely anymore. or the fact that you havn't seen me for a while. or maybe you just do it to everyone else. i dont' know who i am anymore because everything just feels like a system to me. i'm just a part of the picture. it's just the it is. it's so stupid to have the thought of being someone. it's all dead to me now. everyones' the same, they try to be different or be someone but how many of those people do you know that are so damn different and specail?
yea it's been a while that i havn't been able to love anyone not even myself. but now, i've found someone to actually trust and share my thought s with. i'm so glad i've found her. maybe through her, i have hope to pull through b/c shes just a chick like me. lately....the last few days, i've been trying to write down how i felt the last 10 years. why my life is so confusing and how now, everything is finally pulling it's peices together. i hope this little flame will keep burning in me for the rest of my life. so that i can look back at this day and be hopeful and warm agian. i'm not saying that i regret the things i've done in my life. this is just the beginning. i probably havn't even scratched the surface of it. thx for listening...***
do not ASSUME so you don't make an ASS out of U or ME now i know how it feels like to be rejected by someone you love. i never knew till the day you said no. i'm glad i told you how i felt b/c i don't wanna be such a fool and assume anything. well...i have for a VERY long time. i've never liked anyone till i met you. i saw something in you that caught my eye. so i went to chase it and that it would be worth it to go for. in the end, there wasn't anything that i had expected. after a long period of time of me liking you, it was just confusion and rejection. it's kinda hard to say i liked you earlier b/c everytime i'm with you, i bite my tongue b/c i'm so afriad of losing you. from the pit of my stomach, i feel that nothing matters anymore. nothing matterd as much as you. i'm sorry i didn't make this clear to you any sooner. then you said "maybe someday things will change?" i don't know what that meant b/c you always play with my mind. what was it i saw in you was REAL? the things you say, i dont' wanna believe anymore b/c i'm afriad that you don't mean it the way i do. what is true and what is not? i really don't know. gosh....i don't think you know either. now..i'm trying to put you in the past and it's kinda hard to let go of someone you've loved for so long. friends is not the next step right now. please understand...i'ts not easy for me to be friends with you right now. it's not like i don't want to. it's just that my feelings won't let me.
i hate the feeling that i am feeling now. i feel hopeless, worthless, useless and loveless. i know i have lots of friends to be there for me but the person that is most important to me would never be there. i always had hope in them i never ever had doubted them b/c i love them so much. til the day when i just had enough of thier foolish games and had grown tired of my own. i'm done chasing the butterfly. i'm sick of how i'm let down and shoved on the ground evertime i try to do something. everytime i try to chase them, they end up getting away. why? :( this is so sad. i've go t countless nights of just crying for my love to be returned. why?! :( do you hate me. what ever did i do wrong. when all i did was loved you. so heres my last request from you. forget me and never remember my name agian. if you look back, i'd run away as far as i can.
people who suffer from low self esteem are destructive. they fear the rejection of a close one making them repsond with anger and defensive. keeping them from saying their true feelings, therefore, cutting off people from warmth and love the person really needs. they become isolated, unable to be vulnerable. it can effect their physical health by causing eating disorders or high blood pressure. the feeling of worthlessness cuts them off from friends and family. it also cuts them off from warm than and love they desrarately need. this cycle of depression can spin the person in deep depression over and over.
"you deserve what you get and get what you deserve".....is a whole lotta horse crap. here's another quote to prove it.."why do bad things happen to good ppl?" sometimes ppl are so far up their asses, they think they are so great and wonderful. on the other hand....i'm so very low and disapointing. what am i saying???? anyhoo. who is to decide who deserves what. only God knows b/c he is all knowing. everything has a purpose.
sorry but i'm changing the subject into sumthing off the wall. i've lost all trace of a close friend. she hasn't gone to skool for quite a while now.....i can';t even remember the last time i've seen her. i called her 10232343 times and each time...no one picked up. where is she? know i'm starting to worry. maybe something happened and i didn't know. fuck....i'm it's hard to think straight. i hope she's ok.
never underestimate a girl with a guitar
i fucking hate myself
you treat me like you don't care anymore. maybe we should go our seprate ways and not be friends anymore. cuz its jus ain't the same with us anymore. yea..i will miss all the times we were together. you've changed...or maybe we both did. the point is, i don't feel like i used to when i'm around you. i feel coldness. i try to give you space but you filled it with bitterness. why the hell do you ignore me when i was standing next to you. you say things that are not true. you take your friends for granted and i wonder how you could survive a day without them. i just wish you hit rock bottom so you can realize what you're all about. it's like....you want to change but you just can't or sumthing. you blame some other thing so you won't make yourself feel guilty. hey chico! it's all you.
i'm hopeless most of the time...i know what to do and say at the right time but i could never do them when the time comes. i punk out b/c i doubt myself so much. i have so much to lose. i'm not ready to risk it all.
hey....this is my way of expessing.this is wat i'm trying to say. and if you don't get it then eff you.
i <333 indie rock
atom and his package
nada surf
rilo kiley
nuetral milk hotel
less than jake
rock hard and rock on indie dudes and bettys!
i'm a fucking wuss
smiling could only cover up so much of the pain and burden that i carry forever. but i have a hard time jus to hold it in me. there is somthing seriously wrong with me. 17 years of my life and counting. this is with me forever. i know for sure. countles times...i thought i lost hope. god won't leave me.
who luvs jack johnson?! i do!!! my kind of guitarist. luv dat guys songs so much. i wished i had talents like his. if i was....i'd cry.....but im not so i'll jus continue playing tabs of his songs. hahaha.....
i never have anything good to say. so i say crap... like so =D
c'ya babes luv 100X
hey look..here i am agian hahahaha....maybe it's b/c i've made so many entrys here it's kinda hard to let it go like that. so like....i've been up to nothing much lately i wish i am. or have or was....brain cells are decaying b/c of so many weeks without skool. there are so many things wrong with kids thses days. it's like dude... yur 15 not 30 so slow yurself down. take and aspirin and watch a teen movie. gosh. they make me worry. speaking of kids. this world is over populating. ppl! stop freaking screwing each other if you don't want a kid. sure...you use protection but did you know if you abort the child. it is considered murder. and screwing each other is impure and it's somehting you should value. and dat's the end of dat. go and have fun kids :D
it's been a while since i've updated. at least somthing is better than nothing. i would not have thought i'd come back that's why. i don't know why i did.....anyhooters. i would like to think everything is okay and everything is set for me. unfortunatly things could never flow like that..ever. i'll try to stick to my guts and fight. i'm still working on how to become a better person. for example..self respect. i noticed that i had none. i don't wanna be self centered anymore. i've been like that for too long...even i think i'm selfish. i wanna know why i lose the friends that i used to say my hellos to. i didn't mean to treat badly(?). i dont' know what i did right...i only know what i did wrong. it's not my fault that YOU don't feel like talking back or talking at all. hey......cuz that's what friends do. they talk to each other! cheese....i think i've had enough cuz i hate being neglected and you've jus jumped on me and crossed the limit.
by Camryn Lee
No one knows the pain I feel inside
no one knows how hard it is to hide
no one knows how much I feel for you
no one know that they hurt me too
no one seems to care
I feel like no one's there
no one gets that you are the person that I like
when I'm around them, my tongue I try to bite
I don't want you to now right now
but yet I want us to be together somehow
but I know that it can't come true
there is someone else who want to be with you
you want to be with her as well
which makes my life a living hell
there are probably a million reasons why we can't be
but I still wish you wanted to be with me
no one gets how much I cry at night
I lay there hugging my pillow tight
if only you would be there
then I'd know that someone truly does care
so hey. i'm back, but not for long. bi
jess plz help me redo my frikkin layout! this is a cry for help!! i can no long take this anymore. this layout is frikkin getting on my nerves everytime i come on here. hm...i went to the music museum and jammed with james and jared. very kool stuff. we made up this song called kathy is a nut. lol and many others but forgot...oh well. jared is my all time fav jamming person so far. good to work with. i also saw JIMI HENDRIX exhibit and stole some picks from the music museum. i'm still pumped after 3 days
hey who ever is there i can't say there aren't anyone who goes to this site cuz they never tag so yea. srry peeps to keep ya hanging. it has been a very long time since i had up dated. but there really wasn't anything to update on my life right now. words can not describe my feelings right now. i'm not angry mostly just stressed, desapointed and lonely. it gets a lot more detailed after that. hm...besides being all emo chick and all. i'm a lot more interested in strumming on the a.guitar. it sounds so prettiful my my heart go waaaaoooow. wooohooo yea! it sounds hot. i need another hair cut. dang....my hair grows fast. i want to change my layout but i havn't been thinking about how it's going to look like. my mind has floated on to some serious business and ya'll kno wat it is.
P.S. everyday is an ugly day without you and today is pretty darn ugly. i miss ya.
have to go get my L.i'm going to fail it and then they're going to change it...and then m mom will get pissed for the next 2 years. waste money on the first test, read the frikkin book agina and then waste the money on the second test. so ass bangin gay
tired to the max. i don't think i want to wake up tomorrow morning. i've been treated like crap when i feel like crap. put down when i'm feeling happy. maybe i cannot ever be satisfied. or maybe i'm just unlucky. it's b/c of how i think. it's all b/c of my self esteem isn't it?!
i got ok computer cd. yaaaay luvs it. i especailly luv these songs..."exit music" and "let down". sweet~ i'm starting to forget how my friends from skool looklike. wat were learning in class so far and what day it is every now and then. i need to do hw. i don't feel like it. have a damn good christmas
i'm sick of this layout. dang...i have math tudor tonight. i hope he'll be patient with me. i'm going to redecorate my room again. nothing really happened so far but i hope it will be better. up date with you laters.
it's goin to be the last day of skool tomorrow and i won't be able to see you for a long time. i want you to kno that even though i'm not there, i'm there in spirit to acompany you.... just use your imagination. juss wanna tell you that i'll mis ya'll and i hope when we come together in class agian we'll havae manythings to talk about. i hope tomorrow will be special b/c i don't feel so good today. so..i hope tomoorw will pay up for today.
i'm happy today.omeone came along the very last class and made my day. l the other days were just ok today was the happiest day of the last 2, 3 weeks.
finally it's a friday. i feel like calling someone and not hanging up. g2g ttyl gators
i hope tomorrow will be a good day.
my computer is not cooperating with me. stupid spyware. still have not recovered from my experiences of terrible failure. YES! I;M A FAILURE! DON'T TRY CONVINCING ME THAT i'M NOT! i'm not stubburn, it's my nature to be pestimistic. you can't help me i need to fight this alone. very depressing but if i don't fight this alone, then i won't be able to do anything on my own.
we need to learn how to do things on our own. if we always take the easy way out of things, the problem will forever haunt us. if we try our best and do things on our own, we'll learn it and have a feel of acomplishment.
i feel so down today. in a way that i had felt long ago before i regain faith in myself. i feel like i had lost hope in everhting i ever wanted to do, or think of doing. i guess this makes me stronger in a way. thx for helping me back on my feet. you kno who you are.
been trying to learn this simple hard song! it's goping to take a while so i'm gonig to take another stab at it laters. i haffta go study biology agina. i hate skool. rock on
i luv 12 string guitars. i'm feeling very sick today. i think it's b/c we didn't cook the food throughly during hotpot. =....+ i slept the whole day. i puked everything i ate. srry lol. i have a headache. k then...bi
sometimes when we want to be good at something really darn bad, we're just aren't all that good at it at all. some ppl say that we should keep trying until we find wat we're good at. i hope i get to know wat that is soon. "don't expect yourself to find wat is is at age 16" i'm starting to lose it
i don't kno wat i did wrong i only kno wat i did right
sometimes you make me happy as heck
wat you said that day
were like two swords going through my lungs
i became isolated in so many different ways
when you're around, i got nothing to say
you don't kno why i'm acting this way
i hope i'll get over it
it's just so hard to take
this is not a love story
you may think it is but it's not
this is where i think our friendship has lost
High and Dry
Two jumps in a week,
I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy?
Flying on your motorcycle,
watching all the ground beneath you drop
You'd kill yourself for recognition,
kill yourself to never, ever stop
You broke another mirror,
you're turning into something you are not
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Drying up in conversation,
you'll be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces,
you just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you
when you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit on you,
you'll be the one screaming out
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Oh, it's the best thing that you ever had,
the best thing that you ever, ever had.
It's the best thing that you ever had,
the best thing you have had has gone away.
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high,
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
i wished i had started playing guitar since 3 years of age. i'll be soo far from this level now. o well wat's done is done. i wish i could get better as the years go by. i just couldn't wait so long. soo very busy and lonely.
i need disopline and wisdom.
i'm a pathetic loser
scare tissue by red hot chilli peppers is a goood song...i luve RHCP!!!!! wooot wooot.
i'm bored and i'm not allowed to do hardly anything cuz i have to take care of my sister the whole freaking night. i'm only going to be on here for like 5 min. ivan's telling me to change my layout or at least delete some of my ole posts. many other ppl had tol me the same stuff but i didn't. what makes you think i'm goin to change it ivan!lol.
i had fun today. i finally heard the piece of music i have composed together! with my band. i've been waiting for like 5 months to hear this and it finally happened! keep trying chelsea and you'll eventually get it. this could be the best feeling in my whole life! i was flattered to hear that you girls like my master piece you gave me somthing to be happy about. thks man. luvs ya
i'm down today. very down.... down to the max.... :( it's hard to talk to you anymore. i tried to be there for you but you just tell me to shup the hell up. i never said anything to offend you. wat the hell is up your ass? i just wanted to be your friend. now, i'm not talking to you again.
GO AWAY!
so many things are happening, it's too much for words to explain. i'm stressing out in everything. i'm so stupid. yes...i'm jumping from one thing to another agina.
rocking out my lost hopes
i wish this is not the end
as each rain drops on the ground
it felt as if it cried with me
inside i am full agian
i'm found back on my feet
i didn't even know it
COLDNESS IS A PRICK! i hate winter. damn it's cold.....ARG!!! my toes are goind purple.....ne'z last week has brought me down. now i'm up and walking agina. but still not in the mood for jumpin. sigh* how i miss getting hyper agian. i'm trying to create a band agina. i'm restless and alone. please let me know if you play a guitar, bass or drums. wat am i talking about. no one goes to this site. so yea. anyone you kno whos in grade 11 and could play any of those instraments. hm...lets see.....nm
p.s. seksi poon! we should name our band.
when all is lost
let go of the dreams
you know deep inside you're not meant to be
be as down as you can
so that you wouldn't care
dare close the door
dare swallow the key
when you grow old you wonder
why did i let go of those dreams
too down to think
too sad to smile
too worthless to cry
i guess i won't be playing in a while
looking at the sidelines
i know, it's all my fault
only if i tried a little harder
i can never blame myself enough
it's all my fault
i was misunderstanding
i knew it from the start
waht can i do?
where do i go?
this was all a mistake
although it was a good show
i hate skool. i don't get what ms.morgan is talking about and she gives way too many assignments. holy f***. skool assignments are always kicking about in my head. never stop thinking about all the crap that i have to do and when it's due and crap. i can't wait till everything is over. like badminton team, project, the starsearch thingy. cuz my schedule is packed. after starsearch, i'll have nothing to look forward to i'll be very bored.
i am also excited. not scared. well...i am scared that my guitar would be a total reck after the show. that woud make me real sad. i really hope i could borrow daves amp so that i don't have to rent one. not being cheap or anything but if i don't have to rent one. i'll try my best. money is hard to get. only if i have to though. i REAllY want to go to the jimi hendrix exibit in seatle. at the music museum, JUNE.7 i have to go!!!!! i can't miss this. the most important thing of my life!
OMGosh! i have never worked so hard eversince skool had started. i worked on bio and bio itself for 4-5 hours straight and got all of my flashcards done, studied and took notes. shiznits....i think i'm goin to pass that test. yea. i have band practice twice a week now. one for starsearch and one for mark. pretty darn sweet eh? i like 3rd degree a lot more than mark tho. it's just that i'm not allowed to move around when i'm playing in mark. they say it's serious. when i feel the music in me i move! it's also another way to express the song not just the words. actions are louder than words my fellow friends. hm...no hw today. but i do have hw tomorrow. ...i don't want to do it tho. haha...i wonder wat i'm doing in math tudor today. holy crap! i have a math tudor and i'm still not getting good marks. that's just sad -___-"" well...g2g do ..stuff...
LIFE AT THE MOMENT:
life is alright for now. it's a deep breathe before the huge plunge. met new friends, had a lunch, got hyper and rocked out. everything is healthy^^. oh yea....remember to check out that song in the last entry. awsome song. rock on peepers. luvs ya.
WE MADE IT TO STARSEARCH!
current fav. song of all time is paranoid android by radiohead and needle in the hay by ellioitt smith. down load it and listen if you are ridiculously BORED
one of the best things had happened to me. i'm going to be in starsearch. hopefully most likey yes tho. so happy i wanted this to happen before i grad. thks for giving me the opertunity john! i luv to rock my ass out. meet new ppl and have some fun once in a while. this means a lot to me. i kno you might think that it was nothing. to me it's the whole world. thks man. luv and support.
feeling:
-lazy
-down
-confused
-afraid
-sad
-broken
-uneasy
-lost
alone
my heart is in sorrow and pain. i had the chance but now i've lost. this is my big chance to make it big i hope i don't screw up.
i'm back in Burnaby. it was hard to let go of my cousins. they're so luvable. six flags was awsome! there was a ride called spongbob the ride 4-D. so koo....my second fav. ride was batman. the thing goes upsidedown, inside out so fast, makes me feel like i waa a bat hehe. the trip back was tiring. we switch flights twice and rode on 3 differ. planes. there was also a stalling time in before going on board. in total took us 10 hours to get back to burnaby. in otherwards, took us the whole day. now, to catch up where i left of in burnbay.
-bubbahotep w/ jonah and jess
-hang out
-relax
-go shoppp
i'm in Dallas, Texas! wee.....it's hot and koooo.....here. my cousins got this hotel on the bid and we get to stay at a sweet hotel fopr 22 bucks a night. it's so cheap. well, i gtta go swimming and shop.
p.s. six flags tomorrows
it's unsafe to do this now when my brother is around. it seems like he's always agianst me. what i meant was, he's always disagreeing with me. he's always like...why do you always blaim the family? it's because i'm full of anger and depression he will NOT understand. he will NEVER understand. no one understands.
i meant to do this yesterday but ppl kept coming in and out of the room checking on me what i'm doing. damn! can't i have my privacy? my mom can't know about this site either. well...she knew last year. cuz a rat told her.but she still havn't been to the site. well...hm....i don't have much to say but things had happend i can't remember. i bought offspring cd."SMASH" and i'm going vintage shopping tomorrow. there are many stores that sell old stuff in tulsa. wee.......Biu Go jase gave me his very koo...earings cuz they don't suit him anymore. kekeke.....now i don't have to buy any. i'm trying to find the guitar bag i saw in spencer a while ago. it's not there anymore:(. it's not a bag to put a guitar in it. it's a bag that's shaped like a guitar! it's also purple. one of my fav. colours. pretty sweeeeet~ eh. i don't think i miss burnaby. i want to stay longer. i'm coming back next monday. six falgs on saturday, vintage shopping on thurs, going to dallas on friday.
yoyoyo wats rocking? a lot has happened in oklahoma, Tulsa right now. i' m staying at my cousin yoko and jases house. it's koo..... there;s a cat and it bite like carsy but it don't hurt much. keke....long story short, i'm just going to say why i'm here. the reason is, our whole family(my mom's 7 siblings and their kids!) are celebrating grandpa's 80th birthday. wee.......but my cousin Ranee told me that grandpa was 79 when seh graduated. whitch was 2.5 years ago! so......he's supposed to be 81 right now...but meh. i siad that me and her could keep it a secret. kekeke....but i've already told it to you so who give a rats ass anymore. keke...ttypeeps laters.
going to oklamhoma tomorrow. i like to be on airplanes. the earth is so pretty when you're looking over it and not on it. i havn't talked to my cousins in 10 years ar more. i wonder if i'm going to have a good time with them. would they accept me. not like some of my other cousins.
p.s. thanks cami i already got it! goonna miss you all
p.p.s. a shout out for grace and nicole
going to oklamhoma tomorrow. i like to be on airplanes. the earth is so pretty when you're looking over it and not on it. i havn't talked to my cousins in 10 years ar more. i wonder if i'm going to have a good time with them. would they accept me. not like some of my other cousins.
sorry man. i didn't mean to i was having an extremely bad week and it wasn't a good time for you to call me. yes, we were both insecure. i didn't feel confortable around you as often as you were. yea... i'm toally in for rocking out! but not in the next ten days. i'm out remember? what songs do you want to play? andy sugestions are fine. all i've been thinkingof is...WHEN AM I GOING TO EVER ROCK OT AGIAN?! i miss it. once agian sorry and i had miss understood you. are you geting drums yet? and doyou have an acustic bag? cuz i do and i don't have an electric bag...maybe we could trade.
my exam is tomorrow. i'm trying to cover everything i need to know for it but i'm not going to be able to do it there's too much. my mom gave me pressure last night. i think that was the only time she had ever gave me pressure in getting a better mark in school. i'm scared and hopless. if i fail this course, ill be disapointed my family and myself. this sucks. i wanna rockout w/ peeps. but no one has drums! *sigh* this is boring and annoying. no one i kno has drums except for gery but he lives two districts away.i wish i'm going to pass. plz pray for me
why must you put a question mark after saying the truth about how you feel? you're so insecure and unsure even about the things you say truth of. if you want to say something from the heart, say it properly and with confidence. or you'll ruin the concept and it will have no purpose at all. it'll sound like crap. sorry but i said it was over 3 months ago. i was over you 3 months ago i called it off and you also said that you have already moved on 2 months ago! just recently you say this over and over.let it go dude. find another girl to mess with kk? i'm not going to date for a very long time now. there would be no purpose for me to be dating. absulute stupidness. not because i'm not "FUN" it's foolish when it comes to this. i KNOW you won't think the same. one of the reasons why we don't belong. i dn't hate you it's just that it feels like you're trying to tell ME that it's over. hey man, you're just not ever satisfied are you? i'm never up to your standards am i? fuck. i hate guys now. but i know this feeling won't last.
feel like crying but tears won't come out. why must everyone be starring at me for every mstake i next. i hate it how ppl tease and laugh at me. for who and what i am is none of your business. why should i be treated like this? i wish i were sombody special for a change because the world isn't being fair. nothing can change this and there's is nothing i can do. no one can hear my sorrows.
one for the hating, two for the killing.
today i was doing work in class. i was trying to work and concentrate and little did i know that i had fallen asleep and was awaken by my head falling sideways on my desk. good thing the teacher did see me. i got a lot done in class but still gotta work my ass along because the final is next wednesday! i wanna go out to downtown or some thing to shop does someone wanna come w/ me? on thurday or somthing. i only got 3 days righyt after summer skool to have fun and hang around in canada cuz i'm going to oklahoma for a fucking month. my mom is telling me to take the drivers test. i'm afraid because i'm not the kind of person who would be good at driving at all! i would seriously put ppl's lives at risk! i want a scooter so i would have no problem with parallel parking. kekeke.......no one is probuly here reading this. so i'll just shut myself up cuz i'm lazy to type this. tag me if you wanna go out next week.
i got kicked out of my own hose on friday cuz my brother is having a sleep over and my mom agrees! they never see it my way. o well....i stayed at jessica's house on the weekend. we were being all lazy and stuff. watched some fireworks, rock out, play video games, eat junk food, haning out in downtown w/ peeps. missed church yesterday... that was the last day i am going to see grace till ilke... another month! fun stuff, but today, i have to finish a project. fuck. i hate summer skool. i'd like it if they make it less complicated. i'm going to finish it now.
p.s. i wanna watch Buba Hotep(gotta watch it right after summer skool. awsome movie kekeke.....)
i feel sad and disapointed at myself. i wan't at my best yesterday. it was your last day. i won't ever see you for a long time after that. the only good thing was when we took the pics together. everything i did yestereday i regret because i wished it were a bit better. once agian when i'm around you, i sink inside and i'm not myself. i'm quiet and insecure but i'm happy around you. i hate myself for doing that. in conlusion, you thinki'm wierd or not fun to be w/. that's me when i;m w/ you. i sink.
it's scary how i wanted to call you and thenyou called me! yes...i hope we'll have lots and lots of fun on friday. before you leave. i want to watch the village...anyone want to watch w/ me?....*grace......our class switched teachers. now, our teacher is really nice. she actually teaches and she's a part time model! she's also funny and kooo......she's like...the perfect being.
yesterday was so fun. not because of the corn maze, but because sunny, grace and i hung out afterwards haha i got grace wet w/ the hose and then she got me wet...then we were....both wet.....bobby was video recording these pricless stupid reactions and chats of ours. i was so glad you came. if youwer'ent there, i would be sooo alone. cuzz sasha was with juno, jenn was w/ ashley. thx for sticking w/ me. still goinna miss you when you're gone tho. i'm getting more quiet...noooooooooo...........*fades
damn computers are trying to take over the world! stop encourageing them by using them too often! it's the devil. i'm trying to do this as fast as i can. i was planning to do many many things today. i got nothing done and i don't think she's going to the corn maze tonight. she's probubly gong out w/ her friend viki before she leaves to go to the trip. in england for a month. ok....you could leave me w/out saying good bye to me. you'll just forget me when you come back. i just wanted to tell you that i miss you from camp and i'll miss you even more when you leave. there's no point to this entry, it's a totla waste of time cuz you don't even have my site. i just wanted to say somthing about how i feel
i feel so empty and bord. summer is almost over. i feels like i have wasted it away on summer skool. i can't do anything my friends are all busy. i wish they;ll call me up to do my job. at least i'l be making a little money. tins year summer kinda sucks.
party tomorrow. i'm going to use the trick! kekeke......*devious look. i thinki'm goin gto do my hw but i think i won't. it's kinda hard. i'm getting fat. i have go run now. ttyl gotta run(get it? hehe)
busy rotting the earth:
not getting anywhere. progress....slow.... i'm going to a corn maze on sat. weee....i hope ppl i kno are going. you peeps beter go! i hope grace is going.
dear die-ary,
class was boring. i watched spiderman 2 last night. i thought it was better than the first. i feel asleep 2ice in class. dave made a penis cake...i wonder wat the secret ingredient is.....hehehe....don't kno wat to say...sucks to be me and i'm going to the corn maze on sat. its going to be funfunfun. i'm so off topic today.
went to camp. friday through sunday. soo much fun! i got to kno grace.t a lot more. and i didn't feel so alone this year at camp. i wished camp would never end. haha..."Grace. play drums grafully!" i hope you'll be a pro somday so we could form a girl band called the noise makers. i could so imagine you playing the drums. it's meant to be. we'll be harcore rockers. i only slept for 3 hours on the whole trip. i feel tired to the max. ne'z i've been hangin w/ grace so often on the trip, i kinda miss her around me. have fun on your missions trip, god bless and would miss you even more:). thx to all for your presents(not in any order):E,J,C,K,W,J,S,G,M,T luv yo'll. OXOXOX
today was supposed to be a specail day for most ppl. cuz it only happens once a year. for me, it's just another ordinary day. why the hell do ppl celebrate it anyway? nothing important. it's like christmas or halloween somthing like. yea...i'm 16. 16 shmixteen....going to camp on the weekend. then going to karins birthday party when i come back.
there are people that try hard and pass. there are other ppl who try and get a better mark than just passing. there are people who don't try and get an A. i'm the first one. i like to play my stress and sorrows on my guitar. speaking of rocking out, i made a new song! with lyrics!!! crazy shit. i'm too embaressed to post it on my site cuz it's crappy. i hafta go do a long short essay now. catch ya.
hey thanks for aking me to go out with you today but i know you won't have fun with me because we have nothing alike. and since that you almost critisize everything i say *******e. srry babe. all i did today in class was do a 5 question quiz and watched Saving Ryans Privates....i mean..keke....saving private ryan. it was total bordem. so i gave up watcing it and spent time drawing evil monkeys on the note to amanda booby. after the movie, i kept asking winnie to tell me what the hell the movie was about because it's going to be on tomorrows test. FREAKING OUT MAN! she got pissed at me for asking so many questions. you bums would understand right? of course you do if you're not, you won't even come to my site just to see wat's rocking my crib right? ......right?......i'm a loser.
lets jsut say that summer skool driving me wack. 49% is still a pass right? yeah. wtevr i think i did well on the last test+...= i would be friends with *******e but she is a self centered bitch most of the time. she doesn't have manners. she talks bad about other ppl IN FRONT OF PPLS FACES. i geuss if i start knowing her a little more, she'll be nicer....think.....i know she wants to be my friend tho cuz she told me in a way. i'm not saying any names. she said i need to be more agressive. agressive my ass i'm not changeing for her. andother thing, agressive is what makes ppl evil. speaking of evil...my summer teacher and my math tudors are devils.
i'm going to have a nervous break down my friends. summer skool is a pain in the butt. it's so hard 80 percent of the marks are from tests and quizes! bs peeps! i'm getting 38% so far and i'm not alone. i heard the provincail is going to be even harder. that's what mr.linttot said. i have so much to say in detail but i'm too tired to use my brain anymore. i saw jay leno eat poop on tv last night cuz some kids were giving samples of poo to ppl. except...i don't think he really ate poop... maybe it's somehting else that looks like it. camping was ok i geuss...i went to many many MANY stores to look fer clothing but nothing really catches my eye and if i did, it was too pricy. gr....
THURSDAY
i thought i would be staying in the stinkin house for the day AGAIN. then, armboobster asked me to go swimming with dolphins and go feed sharks. kekeke jkjk. just go swimming damnit. then, we saw michelle, hong and judy i was so happy to see them because i haven't seen them in a while. but then i had to leave 15 min we met up.(awww...)i missed them i don't show it but i do. swimming was fun. weee.....k that was fake. well. i want to have more fun before summer fucking skool starts. like doing somthing everyday. my brother is so selfish! he always picks what to do.(i won't hang out w/ my bro anyway) nothing special happened on the weekend just a flock of seagulls and a pile of shit. ttyl then i hafta chill w/ my E.guitar.
number two pencil your my pointy pen ,number 2 pencil you're my friend to the end.you fill in bubbles nice and dark. you're made of wood with cedar bark. you never yell or make me fees. you never try to break my knees number two pencils your my friend you see. cuz number 2 pencil you're number 1 to me.
please go to www.makingfiends.com. also under "fun stuff"
i went to 5 different T&T stores on the weekend for mascot thingy. i earned 96 bucks only cuz my manager didn't need me so early so they decreased the number of hours i work, there for less money. that sucks! me and my mom went to around 6 garage sales! so fun. i bought:
-the t.v. i always wanted. the colour t.v. w/ the turning knobs.$5
-a box of really old matches w/ funky designs on them. $3
-a black cloth w/ black flowers on it(soo kooo.....)$0.25
Then, today, me, jess and peter went to the thrift store and jess bought a wash cloth. i wanted to get some records and a cloth to line the t.v. but i didn't buy it because i'm a cheap butter. after second hane shopping, we went to the second hand game store to get myself a n64 game but got my self a very old nintendoe system for $34 and bought super mario 3 $14. i'm getting my record player next week i think. cuz my dad's friend is giving it to me for free w/ the speakers. now...all i need is some more nintendo games and a VCR. o...and also Jet cd. i'm running out of money already. soooo pooooooooorrr... i miss my friends from skool already but i don't miss skool.
-RADIOHEAD
Creep
When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
you're so fucking special.
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here
She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.
Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special,
but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.
allmy exams are over! thank god! but the bad thing is...i sthinki did REALLY horribly, terribly, bad on them. i'm getting 55.6 percent over all in math. if it had more time to do my exam i would've gotten a better mark! mr.elwood is gay...i hate him and he's fat:( gay ass teacher. i'm not done bitching! ms.bell won't let me and grace borrow the bad room tomorrow cuz she's a selfish witch. my bad is goinng no where cuz grace is way too busy, camillia is not motavated and i'm a one person fucking band. i'm actually getting 73.6 percent in bio. for the whole year, i've been looking at the wrong person's mark cuz that person had the same last 4 digit students number as me. i'm a geek.
i hate myself for slacking off in school. i hate myself for being lazy. i hate myself for who i am. i hate myself because i'm not good at anything. i don't have a clue where i'm going in life. i'm too tired of looking. i'm too tired of trying. no matter how hard i try i'm only an average. i don't know how ppl could actually find a way to do things to make life easier for them or a very good self esteem. i know that i can't and i don't. you might be thinking that i shouldn't run away from my problems. i'm not running away, i'm staring life in the face too scared to move and don't know what to do. i have no purpose, no reason to live. i have a sad, weak, lost and depressed soul with very low self esteem. i hate myself.
finally the last week of skool. i hate math and bio so mofoing much. i hate it more than anything in the world and i hate it more than anyone could ever hate it before. i got all 3 of my 6 exams over with. the english exam was super duper easy. the foods exam was actually harder than the english exam! the s.s. exam was the hardest but i was able to get %75.6 over all. now, i have to worry about my math and bio ....m*****f*****! i'm geting 58 percent in math and 64.6. percent in bio. next wednesday would be a happy day for me. all my stupid exams are going to be over.
i kept saying to myself on the weekend."i have to start studying!" and i eventually not studying because i'm a lazy bum.
THURSDAY:
-skipped last two blks and go to china town to be in a kiwi costume
-met a 24 yr old girl that worked there and made a new friend:) she's so kooo...
-i had many kiwis
-i was the mascot of the kiwi productioon thingy that my mom's company was addvertising
FRIDAY:
-went to do my job
-carrying huge stacks of newspapers to the recycling bin. which is so far away!
SATURDAY:
-wen to metro with dad,brian and kait
-some guy proposing to this girl in HMV and the girl said yes then everyone strted clapping...aw....happy couple
-Movies that i borrowed from carol
SUNDAY:
-can't remember
MONDAY:
-church
-clean up house for bbq
-SEAN's Bday party..it ws okay...michelle and judy were sleeping on me during the movie and there was'nt much of a ventilation..that made me feel really hot!
-then we all threw waterballoons at sean all at once.lol.
-bbq at 5 and all my homies are at my house
-Jenn and sasha wer pushing me on a shopping cart and some guy saw me
-we talked and walked, it was very relaxing
-TUESDAY:
-catching up on HW
-my dad bought lord of the rings 3
-my toe hurts
-brian dyed my hair blonde
TODAY:
-freaking out
-exam on friday and a test next blk 52% in math and i have a math tutor!
- i'm the sadest kid in the world
-planning to get another guitar!
i seriously don't care anymore. i'm just leave it to the man. well. i havin't been here in a while now. so much has happened. here are some points i know from some wise peeps. here are some things
-don't be jealous of the person, be happy for them
-the harder it is, the bigger the reward
-(also relates to)the bigger they are the harder they fall.
-if you work hard now, you don't have to work as hard when you grow up. but if you slck off now, you'll have to work twice as hard when you grow up.
-don't get angry at the person who got you mad that'll make them win
-the best fight fought is the one that was never fought(wtf?)
-play for the fun of it, not to win it
i gotta run. bell is going to ring.
sam-silly jodie......Trix are for kids
Jodie-trix..?the cereal?trix irrisitable~cereal and milk~milk and cereal~
sam-no more trix for you ...you're getting a bit highper(get it? high? per?)
Jodie-noooooooooo u can't steal them from me!!they're mine~~no i dun get it....
sam-i give up
Jodie-lol i win!!
sam-i'm adicted to jelly bellys
jodie-i like it when my cat nibbles on my elbow when i wake up in the morning......
jodie-that's not me!!!someone's pretending to be me!
sam-yea....people these days.....
jodie-hehehe i wuv u
jodie-;l;;;lllol sam's being weird
sam-yeea i have to go now....weirdo........
shiznitz
i have a lot of horse crap to do. i have a s.s. project that i'm ding right nowin the library with judy, daniella and carol. omgosh. badminton intermerals today. we're goin to get our ass kicked by vivian and emilein. go LAI LIU!!!! kekeke....
why must i get bad at everything i want to get good on?! mofoing piss me! i got 4 out of 12 on my hw quiz! i'm really failing math now. T-T~ life is a nightmare for me. even if i'm a kid or not, life is misserable for me. ne'z..enough wyning....i made another ripped a new tune on my own guitar and itwas so sweet. there's two parts in it. first guitar picks strings(lead guitarist) and the second guitarist plays a rthym i think i spelt that wrong....o well. it could screw itself in a ditch. kekeke....i can't let go of my e.guitar. i've been holding on to it ever since after skool. in fact, i'm hugging it right now ^^. now, i know how hendrix felt when i got his hand on a e.guitar. i'm also writing my own punk songs and such right now. when ever i'm bored in class, and have nothing to do, i will doze off in my abnormal and ludacrus world and write whatever is on my mind. rock on peeps(wow...so old)
hey man. the week end was awsome.
FRIDAY
went to jenn wu's house, watched gothica and slept over.
SATURDAY
garage sale, earned 63 bucks only.
SUNDAY
winnie's bithday party was held at my house. we played a warped up slap jack game. my sis drooled on kathy's ass. winnie lai lent me her old sool nintendo system the one with the shooting duck game! crazy. it gets boring after a while tho.
MONDAY
so many things to do! so little time. my manderin thingy is due tomorrow and i don't even have the poster board yet! i don't understand my bio. i have an english test tomorrow. i have math tutor tonight. then, i ave a s.s. project to do. pain in the ass. sh**.
flipkid from my quiz is a CHEATER! took the quiz twice! ne'z....i got myself all the SQUEE comics i want that t shirt. not allowed to wear it though cuzz my parents won't let me. shiznits man. soooo picky. i guess i'll have to wait till they're all dead then i get to do it all. oh yea...also, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and The Distillers Rock. my brother's ap art gallery thingy was so good! didnyou guys open the box? it was freaky how he made the speakers go"hey you, yeah you,,....open the box..." lol!! i kept laughing and my bro was just like..ok....hahaha....i do't think i'm going to take sommer s.s. in the summer. fdslkfdaslkjsas;lkjfd....but...i don't know.....hehehehefdalfdasj
i tried to look for peoplein the skool wh knows how to play bass or drums but i couldn't find any! i want an all girl band it's a lot more fun. i couldn't find anyone except for Grace. she plays drums and she likes most of the songs and bands i like. i guess it would work well with us but she said that she has a lot of crap to do at skool. so..if any of you peeps know anyone who could play the drums or the bass, e mail me.k? k.......^3^hehehe....i'm getting 50% in math ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i'm freaking out! i need to get 76% in math and i only have 2 months! my math teacher is going to kill me....T-T.......=......+ this sucks! i'm going to summer skool and i still have to do the provincail in January?! bs! i'll forget everything by then. i need money.++++.
p.s.
-math provincial
-english provincail
-Biology Exam
-s.s. provincail
my quiz
Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!
shizznitz! i haven't been updateing for a month! thanks for the reminder emi~=......+~ i went to value village and bought myself some old skool pillow cases that has mario on it. there were two but inly bought one because my mom won't let me buy both. meh...that was sunday.
on saturday, i wen to watch the Off Spring with Cami and Jonah! wee...it was soooo fun! they rocked.there were so many ppl smoking weed that night, the whole place started to smoke up and i was kinda getting high on it. +...+ was not a pleasent smell at all. there were also other bands that were there that day playing but The Rumours weren't playng that day but they were there!! i went to chat with Melisa Starr she's my fav. so kooo..man. after the concert(11:00?) me and Cami went to look for guitar picks and other stuff that the bands threw out in front of the stage. bt couldn't find any so sad. Billy Talent played there too. i only like one song they played tho. right after watching the bands, i wanted to play the guitar more and more real bad. so i went home and rocked the house(w/ head phones on ofcourse! my mom would kill me!) well...gotto go do stuff. ROCK ON
kymberly lent me her PF shorts and her green T shirt kooo man. met grace today i talked to her she's pretty koo. she likes converse too. i skateboarded today and made a hole in my shoe. i really want those geige comverse but they cost like 54 smakers. skate boarding so fun but i suck at it. i'm trying to find a song i like to play, look up the tabs and play it on my guitar. it's hard to consentrate on one thing anymore. i want to be real for what i say or what i'm going to say. want to do what i've planned i hardly do so anymore.
what a bad day. everyone is such in a bad mood. mirabelle wasn't as loud as usual. ******** was crying it hurts to see her cry like that. i wanted to help her al that i could but i'm afraid to ask her because i didnt want to be in her way. nicole was ignoring me all day. i feel so bad inside i want to do somthing to make ppl feel better but i don't kno how and i'm afriad to do so i geuss. i don't know what happened. i was happy this morning and thought it's going to be a good day. i didn't see it coming. until this happened. the sun hasn't gone down yet. i hope it's going to get better....hopfully. last night..i couldn't sleep, as usual. so i started to doodle and writing somthing for nicole because i still owe her a note. fell asleep at 2:30? then woke up at 7 went o skool wearing very bright colours. bought chocolate AGIAN! i spent $8.50 on chocolate. started to learn how to skate yesterday i kno how to push, get on the board, and stay on the board. i couldn't even do that before i'm a little proud of myself. stakeing is just going to be a hobbie cuz GUITAR IS STILL THE BEST!
nice day! wee......cami lent me some cds! a;; the hype i need to get me through an awsome day. so much to do so little time. =....+.....in my mind:
-assignments
SPRING BREAK
-get job
-money
-study study study....etc.
-guitar jamming
-skate(J.M.)
learned this new song i got from mxtabs.net so kooo...man. rocking and blasting the house last night with my full distortion and amp all the way up. my dad got angry. oops...i'm trying to get all "b's" for my report card. so hard when i'm distracted by so many things and can't concentrate. aiya....*sigh.........-______-" sllleeeeeeeeeppp............had some of that tarimisu jess and the crew had made and it tasted so freaking good. i couldn't sleep last night so me and my dad watched this retro scary movie called Slash. it didn't make much sense but it sure was scary. after tat, i definatly couldn't sleep. but i maniged to fall asleep with my trusty pillow "meme".
p.s. work my ass off!
i hate this computer! yea..i'm in comp. class agian i hate this class...wait....i say that about every class...so damn poor...i don't htink i could go out tomorrow cuz o don't have money. last time, i wanted to type up my entry, the comp. screwed up agian. i was like WTF?! noo........! well today, i did my s.s. test and it was kinda easy i didn't really study for it. i'm so sleeeeppy.....i slept at 4 last night cuz i was working on my s.s. essay. i droped so much in math! sigh....now i have to study so hard for myterm test. i hope i could get into the honour roll in the 2nd term but i doubt it. i'm working on another poem. it's called inspiration. it's going to be the best one out of all the other crap i wrote. i hate skool. but it's important. i wee.... i'm learning how to play hopfully the rewt of Paranoid Andriod. i'm hungry. i skipped lunch. p.e. was hell but it was fun. running, running and more of X-treme running. then i played badminton. that ws all worth it. i'venoticed that i'm starting to suck a lot in badminton. cuz i havn't been playing for a while. i want a srfing game and another snowbaording game for my n64. my other games are getting boring. dos any one have n64 games i could borrow? hm.....any good games forn6 anyone?......i don't think anyone is there . since no one even goes to my site...well g2run bell's gonna ring. and i have Biology next bbboooorrriiinnggg..............
p.s. john teaching me how to skate?
i wanted to update on thursday but the skool's computer shut down by itself! anyway..friday was crappy cuz i wanted to play the drums in the band room but it was occupied. i was very disapointed cuz i didn't go last week and i was kinda looking forward to playing the drums on friday. turned my fav. day of the week in to the crappiest one. i don't feel like playing the drums anymore. not in the mood anymore. i'm learning how to play Paranoid Android(radeohead) on my guitar! preeety sweeeet....went to value village to look at old skool stuff. i bought this cloth thingy to put underneath my lava lamp. wee....... so damn koo.....congrats jessica! you won in airband. you stole my cds! i want it back or else i'll never ever lend you anything anymore! i'm serious. i'm sorry about today camillia for playing with spiders in front of you i'll never do it agian. wow...i'm so sleepy...-__-....
i wanted to update on thursday but the skool's computer shut down by itself! anyway..friday was crappy cuz i wanted to play the drums in the band room but it was occupied. i was very disapointed cuz i didn't go last week and i was kinda looking forward to playing the drums on friday. turned my fav. day of the week in to the crappiest one. i don't feel like playing the drums anymore. not in the mood anymore. i'm learning how to play Paranoid Android(radeohead) on my guitar! preeety sweeeet....went to value village to look at old skool stuff. i bought this cloth thingy to put underneath my lava lamp. wee....... so damn koo.....congrats jessica! you won in airband. you stole my cds! i want it back or else i'll never ever lend you anything anymore! i'm serious. i'm sorry about today camillia for playing with spiders in front of you i'll never do it agian. wow...i'm so sleepy...-__-....
i wasn't able to update lst class cuzi got coght going on the internet. i want to go to DT w/ you cami.i'm still saving my money for those damn pedals! sigh....i need a job. bioology is sooo hard i have a test next class and it think i;m ging to fail!i droped around 14% cuz i did bad on my DNA project. now i hardly have time for my guitar.+.....= so sad man. i have to sacrafice my guitar time for my studies. i havn't been getting any sleep lately. always sleeping at 2 or 1:30 and you could geuss what i've been doing up so late.-___-"" why is mirabelle ignoring me? o well. skool is boring all that skool time can be spent on rocking. i still haven't strted on my resume. i was going to do it last week but was busy. wrote a new poem in class. but not quite done yet don't know how i should end it. it's called "sinking" pretty depressing. it's about me falliing beind in everything in life. "It's hard to swim back up when I've sunkin to the ground trying to gasp for air." yea...that's the last line so far...not quite done yet...what rhymes with "air"? i want candy. dodo wacka wacka...weeer weer weer...deer do der.....*guitar solo fades
i wrote another peom in class. it's called Slow Flow. it's nt as good as the other oes tho. but i still like it. i just don't like the first part because it didn't really rhyme enough. i won't pu it here cuz my brother might be reading this. i'm planning to write another one. i only write poems when my feelings are strong. i think i'm getting my guitar case on saturday I need it.so many things to do so little time...-___-""i wish i could go to the fashion gala but i can't cuzz i'll have to sneek in and that's wrong cuz it's stealing. i knew that before tho. i'll just go there to hang outside of the fashion gala and talk to camillia, nicole and peeps. my mom will not let me go. she never does. i never have any fun this is when memories are made! fuck....i wish i was an orphan w/out any siblings. it's been a bad day. nicole is my happiness.
i wish i could play on friday agian. john broke the drum sticks...i hope ms.bell won't find out cuz if she does, we might not even have another chance in playing in there after skool anymore. i hope we're allowed to play. seriously that's what i look forward to everyday of the week. wee.........in my little world when i play. i also hope i'm allowed to go to the fashion gala thingy and get in for free...sneeking in ....
p.e. class today, we did archery camllia was like..."keep that away from sam!"yea...i accidently hit myself when i released the srtring. now i have this hughnormous brouse on my arm! hurts like a mofo. course selection is such a pain in the head. i wish i knew what i'm going to be when i grow up. don't kno what to say. music always in my mind....punkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunk
punkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkpunkmusicmusic
musicmusicmusicmusicusicmusicmusicmusicmusicmusicusicmusic
musicmusicmusicmusic........etc
to get:
-distortion pedal
-wa pedal
-guitar case
-gigbag
-gorillaz posters
-cds
-clothes
-dung zhau(cantonese)for my room
wen skating this morning i'm lucky that i got got a ride there and back. camillia's got these trippy radiohead pins!!! so sweet. may i buy one off you? at luch, i went to jam w/ john, amra and cole. i didn't really know the ppl except for john. i didn't even know the song that they were playing either so i tried playing paranoid android for camilia but i gave up cuz i couldn't even hear myself play. sry bout that. want to rock w/ john after skool i hope the band room would be open. hehe.....carol;)....you kno what i'm toking about.
my family is worried about me and everyone is looking at me a different way now. my mother is not the same anymore. everytime i go out she thinks i'm with someone bad. or doing somthing bad. i've lost my trust when i'm going out for eternity. even when i'm telling the truth they won't believe just because i'm goin *** **** * ***. obviously, they have NEVER done it when they were young! even if they have, they'd yell at the younger kids, forgetting that they have done it before. i'm not saying this because i hate my parents i respect them and i do wat they say but theydon't understand shit.
P.S.jamming after skool
no one listens to me anymore. actually...i don't want to talk about it now because it's too depressing. i can't wait till friday! rocking thed house and jamming with a friend. i wish i could do that everyday! i'm geting my distortion pedals on saturday! finally...i have enough money to buy one cuz i keep using my guitar money. fuckin shit. i need a fuckin job. i thnk i'll get one in brentwood. i'm in a good mood today. even tho i have so much hw. i feel like a million bucks. what a beautiful day, the sun is no where in sight, it's gloomy and rainy outside, i've got stacks of hw to do and which i don't understand, failed a test in skool and ppl don't listen to me anymore. everyday is a bad day when i don't have my guitar. peace out and ROCK ON!
p.s.bought this sticker it says "if you can't rock don't fuckin come!
p.s.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROL AND NICOLE!!!
p.s.s.s. mirabelle is my soul sister and kelly is my soul brother
almost nicole and carols bday! hm....wat should i get for them?.....i learned how to play Fed Up by GOB! so koo....man. one of my fav. songs. i want to get the new white strips cd. i didn't get much lei see cheen this year cuz most of my relatives are in hk. i'm gettingmyself some guitar junkies but i don't have enough need twice as much ihave now. skool sucks...i think i said that last time.... oh well. i want chocolate....hehehe sasha..;)...crap i have math tudor today. i hate that tudor he makes me nervous and i have to laugh at his jokes even if they are NOT FUNNY. haha not funny.
p.s.heh heh heh*shrugs shoulders
i finallly finished my s.s. project. i think it was very crappy. so me and carol did touch ups at lunch. thacks so much jackie for helping! with out you, me and carol woudn'thave finished our project in time. didn't have time to do my biology hw. it's due next class. yesterdays feild trip sucked ass. because it wasn't fun at all it was harsh cold. just then, at lunch, nicole just had to make my day even worse by dissing me. many ppl had said that to me nicole but i couldn't imagine that it would be coming out of you. i feel even more shitty than before. i can't remember how it was like to be happy. what's wrong with my life. what am i missing. why do i feel so unhappy even tho nm had happpened.i don't feel alright.
-
-
-math test
-english essay
hey man. you're back for more. life is cruel. so many assignments. 1 project, 1 essay, 2tests, and 1 field trip all in one week. -___-" joe sie ngo la...
there were only 6 ppl in my p.e. class. we played hockey and ms.rogers hit me with a hockey stick on purpose. that mofo. i hit her back and i was like"OOPS! SOOORRY!" so funny. then in my second block, s.s., around 8 ppl were there.i played with jonah's gameboy sp. it's trippy. hahaha....michelle is attracting flys!
*LONG* time ago. there ewas a girl named sam. she was a dumb girl with lots to share with. one strange morning, a voice cmae to her from below. it said,"so wat are you doing today?" i'm like,"iunno i'm doing it's the same shit everyday, wake up,and......i'm not sure" then it came to me..i had a site to up date! so i decided to do this in computer class. now i'm having a hard time tracing down what the hell i did the last few weeks. i did sooooo much in the break, i can't remember what happened or what i did. i remember getting really drunk and puking 7 times cuz i mixed two types of alcahol. i felt like shit that day. i am never mixing drinks agian.oh yea my cousin also came over from miami for 4 days(only?). and then i went to downtown to buy a emily strange poster.
p.s.i hate it when ppl try to be kool by buying stupid things.
i havn't come here in sooo long, i didn't even remember my password! ne'z ppl are ignoring me all day! wtf?! especaily mirabelle. wtf is wrong wth her?! i'm sick agian. on friday, emily had a b-day party at my house! so fun! wee......we play slapjack and who ever loses, would have to drink somthing digusting. haha emily and kathy kept losing. tracy had to drink sour tea w/ coke and spicy potatoe chip. i went to machel(sp?) j. fox theatre to watch my mom sing! koo...damn! i missed my practice agian on sunday! i was supoed to go to jesica's house. now i have to wait till next week.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARABELLE!!!!!!she's finally 15 years old haha. i kinda feel guilty for notgoing to the 30 hour famine....i don't wanna go bacause i wanted to do something else. so plz don't rub it in for me not going k?? i have a stash of chocolate bars in my locker! no, you may not have any cuz i am saving it for the last day of skool. winter break. wee.....i'm not eating any of it until the day before winter break. g2g. tl.
he yo peeps. so much stress because i have so much to do this week. aiya...i want to go to the starsearch thingy tomight but i don't know if my mom will let me go. i already bought the ticket. i'm dumb. i ***** m**** **** ***y! hahahah.....i'm scared because we are in the playoffs in badmontin i think i'm going to lose because i always screw up last minute. i am sucky. south is so goode at badminton! i'll have to try even harder. math is confusing. i don't get 2.5-2.9!!! my tudor is fed up w/ me. i have to go do my work now. tok later.
oh yea.. for got the big news. i got a guitar and amp! the amp is 60 Hrz and the guitar is a Dillion and it's candy apple red w/ a white strip on the side. when i look at it i want to eat it.. haha... ne'z....bibi
i did a whole skool run agian yesterday! i did it 6min. and 33 sec. i want to beat that time. badminton practice yesterday too funnness.....kicking ass. talking aboot kicking ass, RADIOHEAD ROCKS!!! most of thier songs.. some are like...wooo....wat's this guy on? and i just get lost in most of their song lyrics. hahaha.....i wanna skip chinese skool and go play badmon. w/ magen, poon, and mel on sat. but mom wouldn't let me. i'll be missing 5 hours of fun..=.+"....i'll have to go to chinese skool instead. the math tudor was fed up w/ me last week because he sid that i don't do as much work and he wants me to do more! freak! i already have a lot of crap to do other than the work you give me you kno! monkey pooo......i'm stuck at home right now trying to do as much hw as i can. cuz i'm gonna be b z for the next four days. the only days that i'm not b z are wednesday and thurs...wait ,.....friday. i still gotta slip in my guitar lesson schedule in there too. well enough typeing for today. here's joke of the week "Franklin is lost" my mom was reading it to my sis as a bed time story and i was laughing because i was like...hahahaha....Franklin's Lost.......well....hope you got dat. whoooooosh........
life sucks agian right when skool started. evanescence is kooooo......her music speaks to me. well....some. ms.mung sucks the nut. haha...erica has her for s.s.!!!! i feel like punching and screaming cuzz i don't understand my life anymore. i've been trying to swim to the top and i end up dying, drowned and fell to the bottom agian. it's just gonna continue like this forever i think.
A-PE
B-socials
C-computers 9
D-biology
E-mandarin
F-fooods
G-math
H-english
P.S. sundae smarties are the best!
metro and downtown was fun when sasha and jenn were there. wee.....that was the best time i've ever had in the whole summer!(?) andy was left out. hahhaha.......then slept over at jenn's house and had some more fun. i got in trouble when i got home well...gotto go to skool now c'ya
wat a fucked up day. i hate everything and everyone right now if i get yelled at one more time today. i am going to kill. i've had w/ ppl i hate ppl.
my muscles are hurting like a bitch. cuz yesterday i played 5 hours of badminton, walked around in richmond for 2 hours. then went to a corn maze that we could never get out of. but it wuz alot of fun when sashie and janise(sp?) was there...wee.....we were making fun of janice saying that her pads were reaking and even sent her a msg on her cell. hahahahaha.....lol. gd times. today i went to church so...boring. saaaashaa.... i have your muffins but they're a week old...hahaha....you still want them?
went to go check on guitars today at tom lee but it was f******* closed! m***** f******.
my fav. song right now is paranoid android by radio head. ppl think that it's a weirded song and kinda sound creepy. don't care. i'm going to go now.........
it's been a looooong...time i'll try my best to remember what happened...shit! i can't even remember what i did on monday or tuesday! ....i'll start on wednesday.
TUESDAY:
-chill at jess's house and walked around town
-watched blue crush at her house(awsomust(sp?)movie!)
-SAMPLE STORE!! but didn't buy anything-___-"
-bought a retro poster w/ robin on it.
THURSDAY-
-went to metro w/ ppl
-went to mel's gandma's apartment to play? then the bitchy mananger told us to get the hell out.
FRIDAY:
-metro w/ john. then bumped into ivan and carol's cousin.
-watched 2 movies: pirates of the caribian and freaky friday
-the girl in freaky friday was so koo.... she's awe...inspiring.
-i gotta catch up on my guitar! shit! thinking of muying a read and black guitar or a black and white one....gotta run. bi.
i'm sad today. i went to richmond and jessica couldn't come. i bought a shirt, overalls(?), and a black coat.i'm making cookies tommorow. too bad nicole and jackie couldn't come. amily went o hk?! how come i didn't kno that?! shouldn't i kno that?! geeezz.....y won't she tell me? damnit! now i have less ppl to play w/ in the summer. sumer's almost over....=...+ i did a lot of things this year. it felt like it was never ending. i also met a lot of new ppl and learned a lot of things and i just hope i could keep in touch w/ those ppl and remember the things i learned. that's really hard for me to do. i doooon't knooo.....cuzz everyone i've ever met, in camps, skools and summer skools i've been to, i eventually forgetting their names and we just don't talk anymore. i'm sad because of that and it sometimes bring me down. i hope that doesn't happen to you.
back from camp! the camp was on an island and it was deserted exept for campers and leaders. ooo.....creepy. the cabins were dirty and there were spiders everywhere. i think i got bit my one. ouches and iches. there was a group of rockers(worship team) they play pretty well. i wanted to play like that too. someday i will. for sure i will. yaay....i jammed w/ gerry^^! so much fun! that was only the 4rth time i have ever jammed w/ someone. he was on drums and i was on guitar. that place was fun. there was an air hocky table and i skooled kathy and darryl(sp?). some ppl there are crazy or have problems in thier heads. hahaha....i'm tired me go sleep. nite
heyo! summer skool's finally over! wee.....party! cam tomorrow. yay! damn i still have math tutor in ther summer.-___-""......thx sash for the pix^^.
me nicole and jackie went to metro after skool, watited for winnie and kathy to get out of class so they could come too. we waited for 45 min. they came out and told us that they couldn't come....piss me! o well...went to metro and bought myself another poster. we walked around and there was nothing to do so bored. so we went to crystal and it was even more boring!! we passed by the stores at least 3 time each! then got lost on the skytrain on the way back from metro. aiya....there was nothing to do. then went to confed. park jackie and nicole barried me in the grass! =...+! weirdos...... until jessica came to save the day.(finally...) i am so tired we played for 6hours? i'm very tired i wanna sleep.....nite
hey checkout these guitars and see wich one looks best. i like the surf green one but thinking about the vintage white one
http://www.novaks.org/guitars/index.shtml
i'm so scared my final is tomorrow!!! eee.......so i'm stuck here studying and rotting away while my family go to downtown robson to watch fire works and have fun.i hope the fire works would suck. tomorrow's last day of skool. i might not see my friends anymore. i think i'll miss them.(***** *a**, jae yoon, dumb ass) yups i'll be so happy and sad at the same time. oh well i'm always like that. i'm never totally satisfied. g2g study my ass off now c'ya
bbq @ heather's house was pretty fun. took pics w/ sasars, and jennisars hahaha....i look retarded in all of them. thanks sash and jenn for the present^^. very koo....and also thks to winnie, mandy, and colleen for the poster and the shirt^^. you ppl are too nice i wasn't expecting presents. i was supposed to do hw today but i didn't do it because i don't kno how to do it. don't be parinoid jenn chill and don't worry. sorry that i couldn't go to the mall w/ you. damn! i regret so much. sorry sasars;) *mreoow...very tired tonite.
wuddup ppl. nm lately. i miss yoko. sigh....so lonley. i have planned so many things to do on the last few weeks of my summer.(stupid summer skool)go to u.s., hang out(lots), go to ppl's houses, rock the house, and more.....i can't remember........BLAH!!!!!!!! bi
life right now....ok lar. it's so hot today i like it ;). how do i put pics on my site? jess....hehehe i'm sorry i always ask you to do my site cuzz i don't kno sh** about computers. wer're learning about sexual repruduction for the last few days and we had to watch a video, on how babies are developed and we had to watched the lady give birth from the front*BLAH. made me wanna puke. the korean girl hoo sat next to me turn green hahahahaha........i cut my own hair agian. it's a bit uneven ,....meh....
a;sljdfkasd;jfsdajklfdsjfdsjklfdsklj!!!!!!!!!!! final exam in 8 days!! ah...! eee....!!!! i'm freakin out! i'm going to fail! well.....good news is....sashie's bakc!!!^^. it's been so long. other thing is summer skool almost over! and summer is almost over too.........aiya...i want to chill out ar....my brain is going to burst out of my head.
it's too quiet in this house! my guitar string is broken and my radio doesn't really work! ah....!!!! hey.....i think i'll go and watch some TV....hahahaha....bb...
phew....finally doone all my hw for today. i haven't up dating in a long time. just gonna do this point form...haha.......
SATURDAY:
-woke up at 6
-went to beach w/ dad and sis(so hot)
-saw a forest fire and didn't report it...haha
-went to coquitlum mall bought some funky tasting candy
-mur.....
-practiced new tabs blink 182 stay together for the kids
-did all my hw till 2 in the morning
SUNDAY:
-church
-took a nap in the aftenoon and over slept cuz i was supposed to get to the park for bbq but i was 1 hour late
-bbq at park w/ ppl so many ppl(italians)
-saw a chinese guy and thought he was good looking but when we got closer, he look kinda bad lol.
-me and emi kept spraying water at mandy so she could never get dry
-went to tracy's house w/ emi and took pics
-went home at 11:00 got in trouble cuz i was supposed to be home by 10
-mom and brian got back from toronto and bought me gifts
-gloomy tissue box glove thingy, a ring, and a doll(?)
-my mom told me that she could't afford a guitar for me any more and she bought a $300 watch! it was a kooo...watch tho...
-broke my string:(
MONDAY:
-skooooooool
-happy snappy nappy time:)
-guitar
-hw
sigh.....finally done this entry but i bet that hardly anyone would read it -____-"..... o well
jessica came over yesterday. i tought her a few songs on ther guitar and she looked very lost. thnks soo....much for the present!!!! i luve it so much.lylas too:). you're like a sis i've never had.~~burn~~* tought myself new song "what's my age agian" by blink 182. (print tabluture from net). my brother bought me a gloomy tissue box glove thingy for my b-day. why are ppl always buying me gloomy stuff? o...he also said that if he finds the Zonsters doll, the one with the two heads, he's gonna buy it for me! i hope he finds it. i feel so usless today. g2g luv sam.
my b-day today. i don't realyy care anymore. it's just a routine i do every year. i found out the meaning of life. i would share it with you but you won't understand it even if i tell you. yay....jess is coming over today. i miss yoko...:(!!! i'm so lonely!! well...geuss i'll haffta find some one to play w/....emily? iunno...still b z w/ hw .....(=...+)....i suck ar~~!!!!1
waw...i got a gloomy cushin(sp) from tracy, kathy, ivan,and emily!! thks guys!!i luv it! too bad my coudins are leaving tomorrow morning. i'll miss them. i was supposed to go to the mall w/ her and a bunch of ben's(???) friends. cuzz my cousin kinda likes him (think..) she is soo......shallow and rude. meh....luv her any way. she'll be back when she's 17. i hope whe would be a better person. if not...then.....well...screw her. sometimes i just wanna slap her. but i resisted and controled myself. sometimes i regret that i didn't slap her and tell her that it's wrong and that she shouldn't do the things that she does. i feel guilty.
HAPPY BIRTHDAYS!!!
brooke
chinkie
pik yu
thats all peace out
wow haven't up date in along time. now i'll have to remember all things i did from the last time i've up dated....hm....nothing much...just hw and shit. yoko and jase are leaving on tuesday. and i'm spending very little time w/ her because i have suumer skewl(hw)!! she siad she wanted to hang out w/ some of my friends before she leaves. yesterday,me,jessica, and her went to metro(agian!!) played at CHQ dj game. so fun. my dad pisses me off so bad everyday i wake up, i have to go through the same crap all the time. go to swel...-__-"...then some back from skwel, eat, do science hw, do math hw. eat, sleep and it continues until august 8 or something!!! i already hade summer skool and my dad signed me up for math tutor! i don't even understand how to do them! mf!!1 my dad saw me working my ass off and he said that he would buy me an amp and an electric guitar. but to me, that's not worth it because i'll still have to do math tutor. i could have bought myself a guitar and an amp! mf........
-____-!!!!!!!!! !!! ...!!!! ah..!!! so much work to do!!!science 10 work and math tutor. math is hard my teacher said that i'm dumb. and i think i'm dumb too. jase is being annoying. he's standing behind me and telling me to shut up and crap but i didn't do anything. i had a bbq at 1;00 and i'll have another one in 1 hour. g2g talk later.
went camoing and shopping for the last three days w/ my families closest friends(was sad cuz spoon couldn't go). i bought 3 pants, 1 shirt, and a pair of shoes. camping was kinda crappy. it was rainy and i had to sleep really close to my cousin because there weren't enough room. she kept kicking me at night. so i couldn't sleep all night! there was nothing to do there so we everyone always went to the club house to play snooker. play big two and go fish.=...+. yesterday, we came back from camping and had dinner w/ the same ppl. me and my cousins tought my sister to say "wassup hommie" and now she could say it very well. i;m going to cut my hair today.
MONDAY:
-went som where but can't remember....richmond?
TUESDAY:
-metro..w/ yoko, jase, and brian.
-carol's house to play bad.??
WEDNESSDAY:
-nothing!!!!wiat....watched wasabi movie hehe...kooo....
-jase taught me a new song and a scale on my guitar!
-went to carol's house to play badmonton till 10:30...ish??
THURSDAY:
-went to downtown w/ yoko and emily 1:30-7:10?ish...-__-"tired..
-bought a vintage poster w/ godzilla on it.
-then went to brentwoodto feed beef jerky to the puppy haha...
-bought ear rings
-planning to pierce my third and forth hole on my ears
yest. went to gastown and china town. went to the jazz fest. it was pretty good.me and yoko went to find hot japanese guys and there were so many! hehehe.........i'm getting my contacts today. everything is so crazy! we sleep at 3 and wake at 10. and every morn. i want to dye my hair a lighter brown. but my brothere won't let me cuz he says my hair is hard to dye. ah!!!!!! when is the next gorilaz cd coming out!!! gr.....
wa....i did so many things this week, it's not even funny. haha....ha.........ok....well..
TUESDAY:
-went to skool signed a lot of anuals
-went to eat dim sum w/ some of my crew
-went to winnie's house watched the ring agian!
-went to metro to see my cousins and walked around
WEDNESDAY:
-china town scare little kids
-eat,shop, play
THURSDAY:
went to downtown go shopping
-more shopping
-get highper
FRIDAY:
-richmond yah see.(night market)
-bought a ring
-2 ear rings
-and more
SATURDAY:
-crystal
-watched ppl play guitar well...:(
-went to ikea
-forgot...it was foggy in my mind. everyday had so many things to do.....g2g2 luv you all*mmmuuuuaa
my cousins came over yesterday. jase(boy) and yuko(girl). jase is the same age as brian and yuko is a year younger than me. she's short. haha. she' koooo...she almost has the same hair as me. and jase almost look exactly llike brian...scary...i think yuko thinks i'm boring. cuzz i don't realli tok to her much. i speak english and parts chinese and she speaks chinese. she doesn't know what i'm saying. skools finally over and i'll be back at skool in a month!-__-".....hafta go spike up yuko's hair now c'ya.
sam is a fish
hahahahaHAAHHAHAAHAH
get it?! sam=salmon
ya..ok -_-;;;;
LOL i LUV SAM-on fish
lmao
-sam's COOL friend jenn ^^
i'm at sasha's house rite now. wee......i'm disipointed at myself. i did some very bad things today. i can't forgive myself. i'm sorry mandy T-T....luv ya. so scared that i'm going to fail the science test on monday...-___-"....aiyaaa....stressed. g2g need to use the washroom real bad bibi=.....+
yesterday, me,collee,winnie,mandy,kathy,tracy, and emily went to metro to watch bruce almighty it was *meh. hehe....after, me and kathy ran away to buy collen a b-day present. i bought her a ******!! lol! when she opend it, every one was shocked. at that moment, i felt dumb. well....doesn't matter i always feel dumb. i don't think she liked it so much.....o well. also bought a hackysack for myself. after that happend, things kinda went down a hill and crashed into a billion pieces.wasn't feeling so good. depressed.
today, rollie lent me an effect thingy for my guitar. it could make rian drop sounds! kooo.......sound. i got math test tomorroe andi'm not ready for it. thnk i'm going to fail. ah..!.....hm....what should i get for spooooooon for her b-day?????
rolie lent me an effect thingy for my guitar!!! so happy! now i could make it sound like rain drops...koo.....sound. i think i have a math test tomorow and i'm not ready for it. i'm scared. i thinki'm going to fail.
yesterday, went to metro w/ colleen,mandy,winnie,kathy,tracy and emily. we watched bruce almighty...it was *meh. hehe...me and kathy ran away to buy collen a present and got her a ******!!! lol! yah she was shocked. and every one else was shocked too. i felt dumb. adn i don't think she liked it...o well. also bought me a hackysack.
what a fucked up day. i tried sleeping last night, but i couldn't and finally fell asleep at around 1. woke up at 7 to study my s.s. test and didn't really study that much. by the time i went to skool, i was late. when i got the test, i blanked out. couldn't remember anything! at lunch, i was supposed to practice my guitar w/ my band crew but alan forgot to bring his guitar so i couldn't play. so i went to play badminton instead, but after i got my racket, i've got no one to play w/.-____-" then, in band, i felt so....angry and sad. i tried talking to kathy but she was ignoreing me cuzz she was doing hw. i missed kathy. i don't really see her any more exept in band.
thanks jessica for helping me deal w/ my anger. it really works!!+.......+
guitar lessons today. it doesn't feel so exiting anymore it just feel like a routin(sp?). well....i was just playing my guitar..then...KABOOM!!!!!......the kid down the street blow up into millions of pieces!! hahaha...jkjk.....nothing happened. so....laser tag is next week. not so fun with out *****. :( and ******. i got my marks so far in science. i got 81.1 percent on term 3! well...i think my marks droped cuzz i didnt' do the project.
a guy on my msn list is horny.....it's scary. so i deleted him. i got chinese exam today. sofaking easy! the teacher was so d stupid! the little child in my class tricked her into telling us some of the answers.
ms.singhai is a pregnent bitch! i hate her and her projects! i had to make this brochure w/ 10relevent physics calculation...-__-" soo hard! i think i'm failing science. if i fail science, i'll have to cancel the summer course and change it to sience 9 course and take science 10 next year. that would be bull....
we went hiking today. me, jessica and catherine were playing this game where we could only ask questions and if you answer w/ a proper answer, you lose. catherine kept losing and all my questions were answers but i just make it sound like they're questions like..."shut jessica?!"...."aw...look at that dog so cute?" ......or like..."go to hell jessica i'm winning this game!!!???!.."....hahaha....i didn't catch any crabs after all. that was dumb.ne'z not much to say...........so many dogs, so little recipes....hahaha...(art gallery()
my mom is so sensitive! she was teasing me and i got pissed and spazzed at her and she got all serius. theni got scared cuzz she's looked so funny. i was trying not to laugh. and then i .................
did nothing fun today. same shit everyday.
I scored a 64% on the "How Hong Kong Are You?" Quizie! What about you?
hahahahahahaha.........i suck
i went to the emily carr art gallery and it wasn't that good. last year was a lot better. parts of it were freaky. there was this freaky picture of a fat lady giving birth! how the hell is that art! i walked home on thurs. on a rainy day. by the time i got home, the rain stop and the sun came out....mother fucker.and almost all my stufferz got wet! i learned how to play "one step closer"(sort of) by linken park on my guitar. my teacher sucks at teaching.i hope i could still form a band next year. if i don't i'll be sad..:(....i got a hair cut on thurs. it looks weird. tooo short! when i got home, my brother saw me and he was like...."what the hell happend to your hair!" ...sigh*.....i have nothing to do on monday!!!! so boring. life is horrible..........horrible.......................HORRIBLE! ...k.
is you scared are you? haha....ok that was gay. i don't know what to put in here anymore i'm always putting all this crap. there was a black out at our skoo today. it was all blaaaaaaaaack........oOoOoOo.....k that was gay too....i did nothing in class so i went into ms.mungs class so i could talk to ppl. i learned a new song on my e.guitar. so koooo.....~~shit. i have a test tomorrow and it's going to be really hard. i studied but i still think i'm going to to fail it. it was so funny today. emily was ripping kathy's summer skoo paper thingy and was laughing at her at the same time. hahaha......u so funny. yuuuup....that's all..........wait......i remember something.......yeeeea.......kathy takes ballae lessons!!! hahaha......you thought i was going to forget and you thought that i won't put it in here but i did! IN YOUR FACE! ............plz don't kill me......
i i died my hair w/ blonde dye yesterday and i left the dye on for more than 45 minutes. still there's not much of a difference, it just look a little bit lighter. that's ok i think. i found a hair cut that i think is going to look good. "think." if it turns out to be really ugly or even hiddeus,(sp?) i am going to get angry. REALLY ANGRY! sheeeeetz.........i have a science test,a math test, a manderin exam and a s.s. test and project to do! so stressed. i think i'm gonna fail everything. my ass hurts cuzz i fell off my bed last night. +....+ who the hell is "i"?! i'm starting to get annoyed.
weiwei. today at lunch, me,mandy,and winnie.m. played a really gross game. somthing to do w/ licking...:(...gross. i'm planning to draw another comic. it's going to be about a zombie waiting at the bus stop for no good reason..(eat ppl?)...5 hours later, a security guard comes up to him,"excuse me sir? you've been standing here for a looong time don't you have some place to go?" zombie says,"mur....brains....juicy....murmur...mushbrains..." security guard says,"pardon?" CRUNCH! the zombie bites the security's head off! it's going to be good. i think. g2g =.....+<----punched in the eye. heheahaha
i'm sorry emily i didn't know that i wasn't supposed to link you.sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry......i unlinked you. i got 16 out of 16 on my in class essay. yeee. i got highper tday. finally. i'm happy today?
me, kathy, and winnie all have nicknames now. kathy is ping ping. i am pong pong. winnie is fido haha...i feel abnormal today. ppl talking about me behind my back some bad stuff and some good stuff....i just don't know how to feel anymore. in s.s. class, i drew a comis. it's about a guy who gave a little boy some drugs and it wasn't drugs, it was poison. the boy smoked it, and he dead. then, the guy cut him open and sold the boy's internal orgins to ppl on the street for 35$$$ each. haha....i'm not quite done wif it yet. got some new links go visit them. some of them are good heheheahahha......must get highper!!!!!!
the meaning of life is...murmur......mur.......mur....murmrumur..........and don't do drugs.
i got jessica a b-present. at first i thought it would be easy picking out a present for her. cuzz i'll just get her the things that i like. i got her a magic eight ball. spunge(sp) bob square pants style. it never gives you a straight answer. hahaha....and i got her a $10 gift certificate from starbucks. hehe....i have nothing to say.
it seems like i havn't updated in a long time...i had my first electric guitar lesson on sat. i thought my teacher was going to be an old and boring dude. but when i met him, he was soooo punk! i think he's around 21 years old. he's from hk and he's pretty cute. he's very good at e.guitar. he only like students who has good memory...which i don't...meh. i just found out that e.guitar was so hard. harder than any of the instraments i've ever played. i'll try really hard cuz being a guitarist had been my dream ever since i was in grade 5. i feel so boring...-__-... it's not me. i'm starting to scare myself. i want a new hair cut my hair is getting boring. science is so damn hard. i was trying to understand what ms.singhai was trying to explain to the class three days ago. i don't think i'll ever get it. *sigh......................i give up too easily.
i went to metro agian! i go there almost everyday now. it's sooooo boring. there's no where else to go anymore. ii want to paint my room pink and the ceiling black. but i know my dad won't let me cuzz i'll have to take all my stuff out of my room and crap. i have so many plans in the summer. i'm going to be very b z. i havae summer skool, math tutor, electric guitar lessons, summer camps, camping, going out w/ friends, cousins coming to canada....aiya...-__-".....why the hell do i need to be tudored in the summer?!.....hm........i wonder what i'm getting winnie.m for her birthday........
yay!! rolie lent a guitar and amp.to me for the summer! wee....so happy. <---that was 2 days ago. yesterday, i went to metro with jackie and jessica to watch anger management but jessica screwed up on the orginizing part so jackie ended up getting in trouble and needed to go somewhere else. me and jess didn't go watch the movie. instead, we walked around buying stuff. it was so fun and so funny. i bought 2 posters. one gorillaz poster, and a poster that says "parental advisory, this room is out of limits." i finally bought the new Gob cd. we walked a little more and saw kathy w/ her mom. kathy looked so much llike her mom it's so funny! then we went to off the wall and bootlegger to try hats on for no good reason. jessica started drooling on my posters. i got mad and hit her boobs and i accidently hit the guy standing next to her. lol. he probablly thought we were retarded. there were so many things that happened that day, i couldn't even remember. go read jessica's blog. maybe she remembered more than me. haha. today, my parents went to buy presents w/ my sis. i turned my amp all the way up and started power struming it all the kids out side got all scared and shit. then they ran back in the house.
i feel like a different person today. i feel calm.......i'm so boring. i'm heart broken.
i'm sorry:
i'm sorry that i said yes. i'm sorry didn't say it in a better way. i'm sorry about what i've done. it's not your fault don't try to blame it on yourself. well...it was fun while it lasted. thanks for your love
sam
hello. dammit! i'm still sick! yah ii know i haven't updated in so long..got to go...sorry winnie.
yes! i made it in to the band! but the bad news is that i can't read tabs and i don't have an electric guitar yet....:(.......i wish alan could teach me but i know he will get very fusturated so now...i don't know what to do.
i kicked emily's ass so hard today, that she started laughing....it scared me. i am still sick! i've had this flu for almost 2 weeks! i got 47 out of 50 on the sciance test! wee.....but i know i'm going to fail the next test. everytime i wake up form sleeping, it feels like i've gotten weaker. i think it's the sickness or it's just that i'm depressed. i don't know.....
i am very sick. i feel like a banana for some reason.....you won't understand...yesterday, i went to watch a very crappy talent show. almost everyone who entered played the piano or sing. i had to babysit 6 kids!!! the mf won't stop throwing things! and most of them sang horribly. brian and bruce were were singing a duet in chinese. they sang ok. bruce was the better singer. haha. . i got my report card i got four B, one C, two C-.nothing really happened this week it's boring.
hey! peeps! i haven't gone this site for like.......a day! i got my shot today. :(. david kept poking, hitting, and tapping my arm. david took my card and wouldn't give it back. jessica's made up song: emily strange posse, emily strange posse, posse strange emily!...yes too much trix for you. david: who ever's reading this sucks. p.s. a stalker's hunting me down. i'm at skool typing this out cause i can't my computer. or else my brother will read my blog and tell my mom about this site. oh yah....jonah raped carol hehehehahah....mm...ho ah...! mur...<---gay
yesterday was so fun! went to jessica's house. we did many things so i'll just list them in order.
-throw out garbage and got locked outside!(jessica's a sad kid)
-eventually got back in.
-did hw(thx jess for helping)
-made sock plush toys? jess made a mutated cat and i made a kool bracelet for jess.
-jessica was talking to herself and i got annoyed(long hours of entertianment for jessica:))
-ate spegetti(sp?)
-watched jessica dance
-found some books in her room on "how to make friends" and "why do we talk to ourselves?"
-jessica read "peach girl" to me
-played fatal frame. jessica wanted me to see the standing man so that i would get scared. and when it came out, i missed it and she ended up scareing herself^^hehehe...
-played kindom hearts. i wanted to watch the ending and it took more than half and hour to see it cause we needed to beat the stupid bosses. the ending was ok...i geuss.
-and finally, i left :(
-got in trouble
-cleaned up my room
-end
winnie.m don't take i seriously when i said that i hated you and told you to get kidnapped. it was just a joke i still love you^^............click on bubble soap under cliques. there, you will see the weirdest site inyour whole life. i went there and got a headache after seeing it. *o*<----looks like dis. ne'z.....i need to go now......
..........+............+........so......boring. everything i have planed have never come to reality. so sad i think i'm going to work on my bunny now. since i have nothing to do. yesterday, i praticed my guitar and i learned how to switch from D7 to G!!'o'!! it was so hard it took me about an hour.i still want an electric guitar. my mom changed her mind about giving me one T-T. omg! what the hell?! why's that guy out side my window looking at me?! *&^!!!((&&(! ...........................
..........+............+........so......boring. everything i have planed have never come to reality. so sad i think i'm going to work on my bunny now. since i have nothing to do. yesterday, i praticed my guitar and i learned how to switch from D7 to G!!'o'!! it was so hard it took me about an hour.i still want an electric guitar. my mom changed her mind about giving me one T-T. omg! what the hell?! why's that guy out side my window looking at me?! *&^!!!((&&(! ...........................
to do list for the week:
-go to downtown w/ someone
-make sock plush toys
-go to jessica's house
-run for one hour
-call winnie mok at 6 in the morning
-go to ivan's house
-take sticer pics w/ ppl
-go to ALPHA event
-go to richmond
You're the suggestive grin,mostly used while
flirting and accompanied by the come-hither
look.You're either an attention hog or way too
insecure to not be in the spotlight at all
times.No one can quite tell.Calm down and learn
to be regular
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
huh?! wierd
wa..so fun on friday. i was so highgper. but not highper enough. i'm glad you liked your present Tracy hehehe....^^ it only took me ten minutes to buy, and wrap the present pretty. me, winnie, and kathy sneaked out of the arcade to buy you a present.(that duck was kool)then, we went to starbuck's washroom and wraped you present w/ tissue paper.lol. we used up the whole role so that the next person that uses the washroom would be in trouble. haha. my mom told me that i'm going to downtown today but i didn't! i'm pissed. i went to richmond yesterday instead of going to yut ping w/ winnie, emily, tracy and kathy:(. i missed a lot of stuff. i saw this really kooo...shirt in richmond and it has a zombie hugging a teddy but i knew my mom wouldn't let me buy it. today, and yesterday, i cleaned up my room and now, it looks so plain. i want to paint my room. when i was cleaning, i found a paul frank shirt that havn't worn in years! i think i'll wear it tomorrow. kathy! you little bastard!!!! you were supposed to go to downtown w/ me!!!+....+!! i wanna watch dreamcatcher. something about a homicidal person.i want the emily strange tuke..... i'm jealus..... i hate winnie mok.....;laksjdfkaj
i'm listening to some kick ass punk rock songs right now^^. thx jessica! hm...does winnie mok like creepy gorey stuff? pls tell me if you know. 1 more week till spring break. i need 1 yard of barbwire. Emily strange page is up dated agian. it looks weird and i liked the one she had before. i am full w/ hate right now it's making me feel miserible. two days ago, i vollenteered for the ALPHA event and ppl were asking me how things are in skool. different ppl kept asking me the same question over and over agian. it just pisses me off! go away! leave me alone! uhoh must go now bibi
i passed my science fair. i got 78 percent. i can't wait till spring break. stupid oral presentation! and it's on family too! she could pick any topic and ms.mung chose family so mo liew. i am stressed and afriad. i'm afriad that i'll fail my math term test. i studied for it but i know i'll forget 60% of the shit i studied for. i got in trouble at least once a day now. i'm sick of getting in trouble. even if i try not to get in trouble. i made a dead bunny head key chian it looks kooo.... well g2g bibi
hey ppl. i'm too afriad to go on the computer because my mom would search for this site and i'll get in deep shit. i'm using the library computer right now. sigh....i have an oral presentation to do! +.....+! i feel dumb and usless. why weren't you there yesterday at skool winnie.m? i was so bored. jessica, johnny were singing the teletubby theme song for 15 min!
i went to horse shoe bay. there were so many japanese ppl there, it felt like i was in japan. i bought a new ring. so fly. i'm very tired i havn't stoped working since...i can't remember...i think emily is mad at me. i have 2 more projects to do. their both due withen the next 2 weeks! crazie shit! ever since elizabeth was gone, i'm so lonley in english. i hardly know anyone in my english class and i needed to do a group project.
i bernt my hair yesterday..ooops....i was helping jessica do her lab. then, kathy, jodie, joyce, and some guy that looked like a girl came along to help because they wanted to watch nuts burn too. i was so hyper, we got in trouble so many times. ms.magon is a bitch.
what a fucked up day. my dad was all pissed off at me about " you can't do anything right." thingymabob. he wants to help me not make me feel worse. the more i think about it, the lower my self esteem goes. i'm spending too much time on my science fair. i can't do anything else i can't even sleep because of it! fucking science fair! everytime i go to bed, i end up going out of bed then doing my hw. i'm working myself stupid and i'm still failing! *&^%$# *&^%$# *&^%$#!!! ****!!!!!!i just wanna have some fun before i die. but i want to be successful but i guess i'm not. there's got to be some kind of miricle to fix me up. everytime i go to science, it gives me more and more reasons why i should bring explosives with me.
i'm almost done my science fair i still need to type things out and decorate my presentation board. sigh.-___-...aiya...mr.strand came in our class to talk about course selection. he makes me worry. my head hurts. i slept at 5 last night. nice hair cut tim. i don't think it's that bad. wow i actually cleaned up my room today took me forever. i can't draw johnny pics anymore :( i lost my touch. very bad news. i played badmonton for p.e. today. sooooo.....fun. came home from skool and watched childs play 2 it was friken funny..hahaha....ha.....ha.....ok....c'ya
p.s. i want white lenses
Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!
take the damn qiuz
heyz. i feel...cold? today? iunno. i'm in the basement....k...i'm just funking lame. i wrote 104 words in chinese today in manderine all by myself ^^(first timer). i think my brother is listening to hindoo beats. my real player list doesn't work! now i can't listen to my garillaz songs!:(! we don't have channel the much music channel any more cuss my mom siad that we didn't need all thaose channels. i'm sad. o well i could still watch that channel sort of. it's a bit fuzzy. still good. still good. gorillaz has a dvd out and i'm not able to buy it because it's in the u.k. they had an interview w/ 2D! 'o' ! crazie stuff. i have another project due next week. why are there so many damn projects?! fucking bitch won't stop picking on me.(R.S.) i got a another new ring. it crappy looking. meh. i'm so misunderstood.
i'm at skool rite now and ivan is pissing me off:(!! (br)winnie: ivan is hairless(br)sam,winnie: kathy has a nice ass.(br)ivan: i don't get this(br)winnie: i'm horny?(br) ivan: i'm a boy...hehehehee....(br) sam: .....yes.....ok..(br)winnie: lee has no balls and he's a dickless man.heh.(br)ivan: i'll fuck your nose kathy!(br)sam:i'm a koala! heheheahha....(br)kathy:i shave my ass and winnie helps me with it.(br)IVAN: what?! i shave my ass too!(br)
****NOTE****anything that happens here can't be talked about outside of this site!!!! especialy my brother! if anyone asks about this site, say nothing.....NOTHING!!!!!!....ne's....my science fair project is going down hill and preety soon, it's going to crash into flames 'o'!!!(don't take that literally...) nothing that comes out of my mouth makes sense! what's wwrong with me?! hell the what?<---??? ! this is getting more and more wierd. haha....today after skool, i made kathy eat grass because she said she was hungry. while she's added, i made her make goat sounds....haha.....ha.....hm.........
bad day!!! in p.e. i bitched at winnie lai and i think i made her cry:(! i couldn't control myself i went wacko. i also had to hump the wall 50 times..hahaha....don't worry colleen. i feel for you. i hate science so damn much right now! i'm so screwed! i don't know how to sort out all my paragraphs. this sucks. i got 72% on my english! wa....! to me, that is so good. but i know it's going to drop. wow. before, i was failing! my dad went into my room today and found out about my sketch book and noticed all the cool(evil) pics. he was shocked!+...+! right when he took it and started fliping through it, it felt like i was falling or drowning(tears did not come out!!) and whe he's finished looking at. i was speachless and i couldn't move because i was scared. i was dead. ok i'll cut the crap.it's over now. but not for my dad though those drawings will forever haunt him....
damn! i made a really good and understandable entry last night and now it's gone! T-T!! thank you jessica for puting my layout^^. plz go visit emily stange site because there are new stuff and new games i dareyou to go visit. there's no skool today and still i have so much things to do! i have to wash dishes, clean up my room, clean up the living room and do my hw. i miss some ppl already. it's no fun w/out them. happy early birthday carol^^!! wow...your're 15 now. you could drive next year. well g2g bibi
FAMILY MEMBERS NOT ALLOWED!!!
Name:sickness
Age:17
girl/guy: girl
birthday:july 16 1988
skool:unbearable
Anime:i hate jap. anime
saying:Crash and burn
don't want:to be me
icq:146173301
Likes:JTHM,new stuff, old stuff, monkeys,zombie movies,horror trash movies,friends,doodling and stuff...
music:acoustic, scmreamo, emo and INDIE
hobbie:really punk music,drawing,writing poems, e.guitar, chill w/ friends, shop shop shop...etc
e mail: samanthaliu2000@hotmail.com
hate:a lot of things
nationality:chinese
fav. colour:colour friendly(don't really like pink)
rules:
disobey the rules of convention
no e mailing me porn
tag me
be my bitch
thank you:
God
jessica, for helping me make this site
Nicole for listening to me btch about the things you
don't really wanna hear
thanks becca
gaurdian angels
black jellpens(Da best!)
all the crazy artists that inspire me
Want List
get a freaking job
to rock
get distortion pedels
black les paul
listen to more songs and more bands
yeah yeah yeahs cds
radiohead cds
off spring cds
red hot chili peppers cds
(They're Just)
Dreams
to be a pro. guitarist
to be in a girl band
to see gorlliaz live
to be smart("A" student)
To Do:
do stuff
grow my hair and dye it agian
get mega dis. Boss pedal
get highper
Links
jessica
carol
irene
Manlunas
colleen
rice boy
mandy
cousin
seksi spoon
jonahz
judys
Michelle
congie
seksi jenn
dai fu
johnny fan
tracy
yumiko
emily
chinkie
assley
Eric(a)
gorillaz fan(hc!)
Cliques
beat13
EMILY!!
paul frank
Gorillaz
bubble soap(weird!)
RADIOHEAD!
CHARCOAL FILTER
YYY
BANKSY
scarygirl
Glooooomy
FUN 4 EVERY1
games
tabs
funny pooo....
making fiends
fun stuff
| *stab* |